This article is written by Silvia Summers who has been in the lifestyle for 10 years and will give her perspective and insights and experiences surrounding swinging.
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In last week's article, I talked discussed what happens "post swap after a sex date. This week, I'm going to focus on bisexual swingers and threesomes.

This is one of my favorite topics, threesomes! If you and your spouse have never had a threesome and wonder what it would be like and how to go about it; I will give you some insight as to how my experiences have been. Many believe it is mans fantasy to have two women with him in bed which in the community is known as an "fmf" swap. But threesomes can obviously be much more then this, they can be, two men and one woman "mmf", three women "fff" and of course three men "mmm". From my experience I have noticed a shift in desires within the community from the majority of couples wanting to just have a woman for an "fmf" encounter to having a male join them for an "mfm" encounter. I think the reason for the change is due to the acceptance of ones sexuality and curiosity as well as societys stance on the matter. Men are no longer afraid of being labeled as gay because they chose to add another male to their bedroom activities. Regardless of the reasons, it is a great move taking place amongst swingers! For this week, I'm going to look into just one aspect of the threesome and that being the "fmf" or female-male-female threesome.

Am I bi? The nice thing about threesomes is that it doesn't mean you are bisexual, though it can be great for finding out if you are! Are you a woman and you have been curious of what it would be like to feel the touch of another woman sexually; then this can be a great place for experimentation. The reason I say this is that in this situation, you have your male spouse to please and arouse and touching can take place between you and the other female and if you don't like it, you can focus on your spouse. I love the touch of another woman while Im pleasing my man, it can be very exciting as well as a bonding experience between us. How so? By my allowing another woman to touch him and please him while I do, shows the trust and security I have in our relationship. It gives him confidence, it stimulates him to new sexual heights and hey, Im bi and LOVE it. This is not for everyone and by no means am I saying you have a boring sex life because you don't have threesomes. What I am saying is, for me and many others, it is a very erotic time for the three of us.

Ok where do I start? If you are a man and wanting to have a threesome with your wife and another woman, I would not suggest you run out and find a woman and then surprise your wife with her one night. This will lead to questions of infidelity and cause strife in your relationship. Just think, what if she went out and brought a man home without telling you? Now as I always say, communication is very important. If you two decide on finding a woman for a threesome, then it should be the woman who places the personals ad or initiates contact with a woman for this experience. It will give her a sense of control and a comfort level with it. If you are experienced swingers then the threesome won't be as taboo to you as it would be for someone swapping for the first time. It will also give you the chance to lay down the rules of what you would like to happen and not happen during the threesome. For instance, you may not want him to kiss her or doing something in bed that you hold close as something only you and your partner do.

Ok I have found a female: So now you have found a willing female to come to bed with you and your husband. I strongly suggest you let them know what you would like and the things you do not want to happen. (About the same thing as you communicated to your husband) This can only lead to a better experience and have everyone on the same page. Not to mention, you can give her your ideas on how to please your man. How hot is that!

The Threesome: The day is here, you have decided to bring another female to bed with you! What should you do? Well it is going to be a very exciting time for you both. Start the day with making love to your spouse. Doing this will have a beneficial effect in that, it will only be you two making love, feeling the bond as well as preparing him so that he doesn't orgasm to soon during the threesome, after all, he will be very aroused about the thought as it is. Then throughout the day, seduce them, tease them and continue the anticipation. When the time comes and she is there with you both there are some things you need to keep in mind. First, no one should be left out. By this I mean, it shouldnt' be one sided, only one person receiving gratification, everyone should be involved one way or another. If it is touching or licking or whatever is happening, make sure everyone is actively involved. This will also lead to you experimenting with the other woman without the pressure of being one on one with them. If you find yourself aroused then you and the woman can continue long after your man is spent and who knows, he maybe soon ready for more!

Things to remember: The woman you bring to bed with you should NEVER stay the night the first time. It is a bad idea to wake up and still have the person in your bed the first time. I say this for a few reasons, first you need to communicate with your partner on the experience, secondly it leaves you in control and lastly you will probably have tremendous sex with your partner the morning after! By now you probably have questions in your mind if this was your first time, such as "Oh now I have shared another woman with him and he thinks it's ok to be with other women without me" The answer is no! If anything this experience has shown him how secure you are with the relationship. It also will probably inflate his ego "lord, help us all" and in his minds eye, see no reason to cheat when his wife is willing to share her bed with another woman. Now men listen up! If your wife shares your bed with another woman, the days following, you need to shower her with love and affection. Let her know what that act meant to you. I know it sounds like I am saying she wasn't willing but she did it for you, this is not true. But if this was the first experience for you both, she will have questions in her mind that you need to put at ease. Hopefully it was a good experience that you both had shared. Ladies, keep in mind that sex for men is more times then not is just sex in these situations. When he makes love to you, there is much more because of the experiences in life you both have had and shared.

I received a lot of email after lasts weeks question and answer section. Thank you! I love all the positive feedback that is coming, keep it coming! Now onto this weeks question:

Q: Dear Silvia, My husband and I have been together for 6 years now and love each other very much. We both have fantasies but they are not the same, I would like to make them happen, what should I do?

A: Great Question! I'm going to make the assumption that you both have discussed them and in some way communicated them to each other. But you will have to ask yourselves, is this something you want or should it remain just that, a fantasy. Is there one of his that you are not against or one of yours he may be interested in? The trick is to find middle ground if you want to go forward in exploring new sexual heights. But don't do something in order to get your fantasy fulfilled, because it needs to be enjoyable for you both to maintain a healthy relationship. I would suggest role playing in the bedroom first. By acting out certain scenarios, your partner will get a better picture of what you want and how the experience may go and it will let them add in their own ideas so you can get a feel of how they would enjoy it as well. Who knows, it may just happen!

Make sure to check me out next week when we discuss bisexual swingers and threesomes (male female male)! If you have a question that you'd like answered, send me an email at Silvia at playpartner.com, until then happy Swinging!

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