This article is written by Silvia Summers who has been in the lifestyle for 10 years and will give her perspective and insights and experiences surrounding swinging.
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In last week's article, I talked discussed meeting swingers for the first time. This week, I'm going to focus on breaking the ice on a sex date.

If you have been following my recent articles, we have discussed the in and outs of how and where to meet new singles and couples for a sex date. If this is your first time then this is new and unchartered water for you! Let me help you through that first time by telling you about my experience and what it will be like (somewhat as each is different). First and most importantly, RELAX. If you go and are tense and fixated on every little thing, your performance and enjoyment will be lacking if not non-existent. I will assume you have taken the time to get to know the other person or persons and have a certain comfort level with them. But this all changes when the clothes come off! Ok so you are all set and ready for action! Well just a few last things to go over, breaking the ice!

The Melt: When you first meet the couple, your hands will be ice cold, your heart racing with anticipation and you may even find yourself sweating. So the first thing to do would be to calm down. Have a couple of drinks, indulged in a bit of friendly conversation, flirt a bit and smile! A good first time idea would be suggest a game of some sort or hey, if you all up to it, turn on a porn in the background! A game is a good first sex date idea; you could swap partners at that time to get the feeling of another man or woman with your partner. Make sure not to be overly competitive, after all, that isn't the focus of the night. When the game is through, I'm sure it will be about time for that ultimate moment. If the other couple is experienced, they may lead onto the rest of the activities, if not try to direct the conversation to flirting and more after all, you all know why you are there.

Heating up: Now that you have moved onto getting ready for the swap. Make sure that what you discussed prior is taking place or not taking place. What I mean by this is, are the lights down low? It is still a same room swap? There is no camera's recording or pictures being taken? Are you ready to move forward? After all, you can decide not to go forward, just because you showed up doesn't mean you have to go through with it if you are not ready. It may lead to some hard feelings but that's better then a broken marriage. Let the action begin!

Starting: It has been my experience that starting out with your partner, kissing and touching them and getting them ready for more is always a safe way to start, then moving onto swapping with the other couple. This assures each other that you are ready for this as well as gets the mood right. So now you have swapped partners and the fun is about to begin, remember this is about sex and not love so kissing is a bit intimate for just sex. Using light touching and teasing can get the action started as well. Be sure to pay attention to the person you are with and not focus on your partner. If they need you they will let you know and remember NO means NO!

The Ending: Wow! What fun was that! Ok, you have all finished and have come to the height of orgasm and now it's over. What's next? Get dressed and go home? Well I wouldn't rush right out the door. Go back to conversation, compliment the hosts or other couple on what a good time you had and be polite. Do not overstay your welcome! I would suggest staying for an additional 30 to 40 minutes is acceptable. But remember, the other couple will want to either discuss the evening or make love to each other before calling it a night as well as you.

I received a lot of email after lasts weeks question and answer section. Thank you! I love all the positive feedback that is coming, keep it coming! Now onto this weeks question:

Q: Dear Silvia that was a tremendous article last week! My husband and I have been together now 12 years; we together have placed an ad and had many responses to it. We are getting ready to move forward to the meet and hopefully swap. What should I expect after with my partner and myself in terms of feelings?

A: Thank you for the compliment! Wow! 12 years! Congratulations! In my first experience, after we had met a couple for our first time, I had a lot of feelings running through my mind. Such as, "what did I just do?" and "does he still love me?" and "what does this mean for our relationship, will he cheat on me?" This is commonly known as "buyer's remorse", though you haven't purchased anything, but it was a major decision you have made in your relationship and you are wondering if it was the right one. From a woman's point of view these are understandable, as sex imitates different feelings between men and woman. For a woman, it is more a mental situation rather then physical, for men it's just the opposite, it was sexual and physical. Though he may have the same questions running through his head, they won't be nearly as strong as yours. Remember something, 12 years! He loves you, he wants to be with you and he did this with you and not behind your back. Don't start questioning your relationship, look at it like I do, it opened new doors for us and kept us from getting into a rut that so many couples do. We had fun! And finally, couples who play together STAY together! If you had a bad experience, then that should be addressed.

Make sure to check me out next week when we discuss communication after the first swap. If you have a question that you'd like answered, send me an email at Silvia at playpartner.com, until then happy Swinging!

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