This article is written by Silvia Summers who has been in the lifestyle for 10 years and will give her perspective and insights and experiences surrounding swinging.
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In last weeks article, I talked about what swinging is and where to find like minded adults within the community. This week, I'm going to focus on communication between you and your partner and how to avoid the pitfalls that some people fall into when starting out in this lifestyle.

Communication is not an option with your partner but a necessity in order for you both to enjoy swinging and what it has to offer. When first starting out, talk openly with your partner as to what your desires are and where you hope this new openness with your relationship will go. After all, it should be a benefit for you both, not just one sided. If you are secure enough in your relationship, you should be able to tell your partner what fears you may have and discuss them without beating around the bush. Let's face it, if he wants to be with two women and she wants to be with two men, you have to find a middle ground in which you can enjoy yourselves.

Listening to what your partner is saying when discussing opening your bedroom up to others will be very important. You not only have to hear what they are saying but understand it as well. Sometimes people will say something that is opened ended. You need to make sure you clarify things as to what your limits are, what you don't want to happen, what you do want to happen and let listen to what your partner has to say about the same things.

Now introducing a partner to the swinging lifestyle is exciting but in the same sense dangerous. It depends on your partner's sexual appetite; you can gauge this by your love making. Is he or she open to new positions? Do they like to be talked dirty to? Are they open to the use of sexual toys, x-rated videos? If you have answered yes to all of these, then they may be interested in some form of swinging. You could approach this situation a number of ways. Rent a swingers video and watch it together, this could lead to a discussion or even give you a temperature reading as to how they feel about it. You could also use the sex toy tip that I gave in last week's article. Then there is always the "Bedroom talk", during passionate love making, describe a scene that you know arouses them, adding a bit of naughtiness each time. This also could lead to some discussion if you take it too far to fast. If your partner is not open to this, don't push it, because it's not the end of the world. Maybe one day they will open up to the idea but not if you demand it. No means no!

I received a lot of email after lasts weeks question and answer section. Thank you! I love all the positive feedback that is coming, keep it coming! Now onto this weeks question:

Q: First I would I to say, I LOVED your advice last week! My question is, my wife and I have joined up with a swinger's site and we have been chatting with other couples and a few single females. We are getting ready to meet a couple for drinks, they are experienced and we are not. How do we break the ice and move on in the evening? I mean we shouldn't just go hop in bed with them right?

A: That is a great question! Well it sounds like you have taken the first steps to swinging and have found someone or some people that you are comfortable enough with to meet. That's great! My advice to you is not to rush it. Meet at a public place (not to quiet so you can talk), for dinner or drinks. As you go on in the evening you will have a pretty good idea if you'd like to swap partners with them or if you find that they are not what you are looking for. Go with your gut instinct here. I would also suggest that you and your partner have a safe word or phrase to use so the other knows what you are thinking. Make sure you are both in agreement that if one or the other is not comfortable that it isn't going to happen. This will alleviate any awkward situations. If you find that you are not interested in them after all, don't lie to them, speaking politely and say "I don't think things are going to work out tonight" If you are interested and they seem interested in you, you can move forward with the discussions and lead into what is in store for the evening. Though I do suggest that your first if it is with a couple, that you make love to your partner with the other couple making love beside you in the same room or bed. You will have a better idea and comfort level with yourselves if you do. Who knows, maybe you will swap partners that night, if not you had some great sex with another couple in the room. HOT!

If you are meeting a single male or female for drinks, I would suggest the same thing as I did above, public dinner and drinks and the safe word. However if you do decide to bring them into your bedroom for the evening, also have a safe word or same one so your partner knows that you want it to stop. Also, the person that is in the threesome with you should NOT stay the night with you that night. It will lead to an awkward situation in the morning, as well as not give your privacy to discuss the evening with your spouse. (Going back to communication) Let your partner know just how much you love and enjoy them and how much you enjoyed the previous evening. Good luck with it!

Make sure to check me out next week when we discuss meeting swingers for the first time. If you have a question that you'd like answered, send me an email at silvia at playpartner.com, until then happy Swinging!

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