This article is written by Silvia Summers who has been in the lifestyle for 10 years and will give her perspective and insights and experiences surrounding swinging.
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In last week's article, I talked discussed breaking the ice on a sex date. This week, I'm going to focus on communication after your first couples swap.

Wow, you did it! So now the first time hype is over, the anticipation has come to an end and now you are back at home with your partner. What now? I'm sure you both have a million questions for each other or thoughts running through your mind. Such as, did he or she enjoy it? What do they think of me? Where are we in our relationship now? Let me first say it is common to have new feelings and questions after the first time. Some people call it buyer's remorse; others call it the Christmas effect. What they mean by this is that you spent a lot of time building up to this, you anticipated it, became aroused by the thought and now that it's over, there is a bit of a let down from the high. What should you do? In one word communicate!

Was it good for you? I know it sounds a bit lame, but it is always a good opening question. It may draw a laugh or smile and break the ice of the awkward moment. Remember you just took a big step in your relationship, now is not the time to stop communicating. I think it is important that you both talk about what fun you had, as well as anything that bothered you in the slightest way. Try to look through your partners eyes and understand what they are trying to convey. Don't leave out the good parts! Hopefully it was a great time and something you both are reflecting on in a positive light. If it wasn't a good time for either of you, that should be addressed and you should re-evaluate if this lifestyle is for you. But do not lose sight that your relationship is more important then anything.

Let's do it again! For many this is a typical response after having a great first experience. You want to feel the thrill again and live the same high as you did before! I know many couples that after the first time they couldn't wait to do it again. Just remember that if this is the case, take the same steps as you did before because each situation is different. The last thing you want to do is have a bad experience because it is human nature to remember the bad experiences more then the great ones. But now you are somewhat experienced swingers!

Let's not do it again: Some people find out they are not cut out for swapping partners or they realize that they didn't mind their partner with another but felt badly about having sex with another person. So what happens now? Communicating with your partner about this is very important. Let them know that it wasn't what they did that made you feel this way; it was your personal feeling when it happened. Some couples allow their spouse to swing alone, though this is really difficult in the lifestyle as many are couples seeking couples. But don't give up hope, you can find other singles to be swinging partners with your spouse if you are ok with it. It is something that only you and your partner can decide.

Cheating is not an option: If one of you decides this isn't for them, you do not have the option of continuing this if your partner isn't ok with you doing so on your own. They will eventually find out and most likely lead to the end of your relationship. Remember you were happy with your partner prior to the swap, you should be afterwards. Also many swingers will not have anything to do with a cheating spouse as they believe it will only cause grief for their relationship if it is found out they contributed to the act.

I received a lot of email after lasts weeks question and answer section. Thank you! I love all the positive feedback that is coming, keep it coming! Now onto this weeks question:

Q: Dear Silvia, I would like to ask you and your readers this question. How many of you have gotten into swinging at least in part because of the urge to have sex with another woman?

A: Great Question! Well I can only speak for myself Jane. I knew I was bisexual before I got into swinging. But having said that, I believe knowing this part of me and finding a partner who understood this and accepted it was the key and led us to this lifestyle. I love to have sex with both men and women, if you have never been with another woman but have the urge to be, you should communicate this with your partner. I would say 90% of men love the thought of watching their spouse with another woman is a fantasy of theirs, though I'm sure they imagine themselves in the mix. If you do decide to have a woman join you and your partner for a sexual encounter and it is your first time, I would say take it slow and see if you really are up to having sex with someone of the same sex and having your partner involved will reduce some uneasiness.

Make sure to check me out next week when we discuss bisexual swingers and threesomes! If you have a question that you'd like answered, send me an email at Silvia at playpartner.com, until then happy Swinging!

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