Maybe your mate works 8+ hours a day and is
bushed when she/he gets home and just wants to crash in bed or veg in front
of the television. Maybe your mate spends all day with the children, changing
diapers and running after little people and is exhausted by the time the
kids go to bed at night. Maybe the two of you used to have great adventurous
sex all the time but lately it has slowed down, the spontaneity is gone,
and the sex has become plain old vanilla when it does happen. What can you
do if you are wanting to spice things up again and get your partner in the
mood?
Lets work on spontaneity first. Remember
how you used to leave love notes for each other? Now you instead leave notes
for each other about what brand of pasta sauce to get at the grocery store
that day. I suggest writing a personal ad to your spouse and posting it
on the bathroom mirror or in her/his briefcase instead of in the paper or
on the web. For instance, you might write up a blurb reading, “Horny
mother of two with sleep deprivation seeks a handsome, tall, very married
man to give her a better reason to stay up all night than a sick child.
Seeking hot, passionate, loving sex and sweet somethings to be whispered
in her ear while the children are at their grandmother’s tomorrow
night. If this is a role you can fill, and I know that you can, call me
from work.” Personally I have found that some of the best sex that
I have ever had has been in hotel rooms. Make a lunch date with your partner,
pick her/him up at the office, blindfold them, and drive them to a close
by hotel where you will seduce them. To really heighten the mood, register
under a false name. It will add to the sense of adventure. If it is hard
to be romantic after a hard day at work or with the kids, put the alarm
clocks under your side of the bed, try to get to sleep early that evening,
set your alarm for 15 minutes earlier than usual. When the alarm goes off,
seduce your mate. Or, for true spontaneity, come up with some adventurous
ideas of your own.
What can you do to turn your partner on and bring the sense of adventure
back into your sex life? There are lots of videos that are very arousing
and can lead partners to have wild sex. The Lovers Guide to Sexual Fantasy
and Sex Games for Couples are both great movies to watch together because
they are both instructional and arousing at the same time. You may get
some new ideas or even remember some old ones that you haven’t tried
in awhile. You may want to even rent or buy some pornography to watch
together. This can be very arousing and lead to some terrific sexual activity
between the two of you. Maybe seeing is too much; maybe you want to get
the imagination running on overdrive. A surefire way to do that is to
read graphic erotica aloud to your partner. Herotica, Volume 6 edited
by Marcy Sheiner, focuses on relationships. A very hot collection of lesbian
erotica if that is more your style is Best Lesbian Erotica 1999, edited
by Tristan Taormino. These stories are guaranteed to spice up your sex
life. And, of course, if your sex has become very vanilla & you want
to liven things up a bit, try some light, or not so light, B&D or
S&M. You may want to read our article, Safe B&D for the Beginner
first. If you are looking for something different, you might want to consider
purchasing some latex lingerie that Electric Lover sells. We have clothing
items for both women and men that are drop dead gorgeous outfits, which
will titillate your mate for sure! These outfits are great for role-playing
and can be easily incorporated into your new S&M lifestyle. Having
brand new toys available and explaining that you really want try them
out might be just the trick for your mate.
The real key to turning your mate on & bringing the spice back into
your sexual relationship is to think creatively. Keep in mind that the
best way to turn on your partner is to be aroused yourself. Nothing is
hotter than seeing the person you love wanting you, waiting for you, and
pining after you. That is just plain hard to ignore. So, you need to figure
out what will turn you on, and that, in turn, will turn your mate on as
well. Don’t be afraid to try new things. In fact, the best way to
spice your sex life up is to try new things. Most importantly, have fun!
If the stress in your life is making it difficult to initiate or have
sex, try laughing together instead of having sex. By releasing some of
the tension and stress, you and your mate are likely to feel much more
aroused. And never forget how arousing a relaxing massage can be. Release
tension and sexual inhibitions at the same time. Cuddling can turn hot
and randy, or it can just be romantic and innocent, but it is never a
waste of time. It adds to trust and a sense of security in a relationship,
which will allow for more intimacy of a sexual nature down the road. Remember
to stay solution focussed. What this means is that it is going to be very
important to remain focussed on how you want your sex life together to
be instead of how it is right now. Stay light, stay creative, stay positive,
stay in love, stay in lust, stay versatile, and stay open-minded.
